


Balaclavas and Babies

by SherbetLemon



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Baby Steven Universe, Babysitting, Dorks, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, One Shot, Peridot grew up on a farm, if a baby can't walk it must mean it can swim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 20:15:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15493809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherbetLemon/pseuds/SherbetLemon
Summary: Lapis and Peridot babysit Steven for the afternoon!Only neither are knowledgeable about babies and Lapis kind of fears them? It's okay though, because Peridot grew up on a farm and looking after those animals is basically the same thing as looking after a baby, right?‘He’s crying, what do we do!?’‘I don’t know!’ Peridot cried with equal distress, ‘animals don’t usually make those kinds of noises!’‘Oh god,’ Lapis looked back at the crying boy, ‘is he in pain? He looks like he’s in pain!’‘Oh, I can fix that!’Peridot leapt upright and ran out the room, leaving Lapis alone with the noise. Two seconds later she was rushing back, clutching something in her hand. She bent down to the baby and stretched it out.‘Why do you have a balaclava!?’





	Balaclavas and Babies

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Lapidot fic so please be kind!!

‘Please just take him!’

Lapis blinked at the sight in front of her. A bird-like lady was clutching a plump baby in front of her like a sack of potatoes, almost thrusting him into Lapis’s arms. She took a step back and the bird took a step forward. She was practically in the apartment.

‘Please, I need to run my roommate to the hospital!’

‘Pe-arl!’ A slurred voice came from further in the corridor, gaining on them with heavy steps falling like a zombie.

‘Just one second Amethyst!’

Amethyst? Peridot knew an Amethyst. She was always hanging around the apartment doing nothing of substance, cooing over their studies and reminiscing over her days as a student. They were limited since she’d dropped out at the end of her first year. Not that she regretted it, her encouragements were split between “keep up the good work” and “what are you doing, just quit already! Don’t waste your time being stressed.” Lapis found her tiresome. But still, that meant these strange people at her door were... friends?

‘Pearl, I really don’t feel so good...’ Amethyst was on them now, leaning heavily on the taller woman’s shoulder and weighing her down like an overfilled shopping bag.

‘I’m so sorry to do this,’ Pearl said, words tumbling out in a panic, ‘I thought Peridot would be here. I know we’ve never met before, but please look after Steven. Amethyst ate a three-week-old yoghurt and I can’t drag the both of them to the hospital.’

Pearl’s eyes were wide and frantic and Amethyst’s were trained on the floor, hand clutching her stomach as she started to sway. The baby just kind of stared? He had glassy eyes and puffy cheeks. It could be considered cute if it wasn’t for the dribble of spit rolling down his chin. And the fact that babies were gross. Lapis was not a fan. The great thing about university and living with Peridot was that she rarely had to deal with them. But these people were desperate, and Amethyst looked like she was two seconds away from giving the hall a new paint job. Lapis didn’t want to witness that.

‘Okay.’ She said taking a deep breath. It was just a baby; the thing couldn’t really do that much damage. Plus, Peridot would be home soon anyway. So, it was really just five minutes of baby time for zero minutes of Amethyst chunder.

‘Great!’ The relief flooding Pearls face was instant, and she almost looked like a different person with her muscles relaxed and features soft. She was passing the baby over, talking a mile a minute again, but controlled this time rather than scared, ‘he’s always very well behaved, and I just fed him so he’ll probably fall asleep right away.’

Then she dug around in her pocket, producing a crumpled piece of paper and placing it on the baby’s belly when she realised Lapis’s hands were full.

‘That’s my number, don’t hesitate to call in an emergency.’

She stepped back, nodding sharply like a soldier. Happy with her decision? Before Lapis could say anything more, the woman ducked down to lay a kiss on Steven’s forehead.

‘Be good Steven,’ she whispered. Then she hooked an arm around her friend and spun them towards the lift, determined power-walker dragging a trailer with a missing wheel.

Lapis glanced down at her arms. Steven was looking at her. She looked back. Before the staring match could hit a critical level, the boys mouth split into a grin and he laughed. A small, vague noise that could really be mistaken for a blubber, but the curve of his mouth said otherwise. Lapis pulled a tight smile in return. Yeah. Everything would be fine. Just a baby.  


  
Ten minutes later she was settled on the duck egg sofa, still clutching the baby without any idea of what to do with him. She’d placed the paper number on the coffee table and had hoped Steven would fall asleep. He didn’t. Instead, he wriggled around until he could play with the fabric of her skirt. The material got dangerously close to his mouth when Lapis struck like a viper and yanked it away before she could get covered in spit. The boy had a surprising iron grip and though the fabric never made it to his mouth he still clutched it in his clammy mitt. Lapis rolled her eyes and let him keep it - it wasn’t worth the fight.

She shut her eyes, leaning her head on the sofa cushion behind her. Stupid baby keeping her prisoner. She should’ve made him sit on his own.

Her thoughts were swept away when she heard a key digging in the lock. Eyes fluttering open, she watched Peridot slide in. She had books clutched under one arm, loose papers fluttering around her like butterflies, and a spilling satchel hooked over the other, everything prepared to drop with their precarious placement like a Jenga tower one move away from losing.

‘Lapis! You will not believe the nerve of these city insects! This ungrateful bee-‘

Peridot’s rant cut off instantly when her eyes lay on Lapis’s new friend.

‘Steven!?’ She yelped, nearly falling into the door.

Oh boy. Was Peridot afraid of babies too?

‘Yes?’ Lapis replied nervously.

In a second, Peridot was flying across the room, books bouncing off the carpet and bag skidding into the wall. She jumped onto the sofa, kneeling beside Lapis and staring down at the baby. After a minute of waiting to see her blink, Lapis gave in and broke the stale mate, ‘have you two met?’

Peridot lifted her head back up and spoke with a serious tone,

‘Steven and I have met on multiple occasions. He was rude enough to sleep through all of them.’

Oh. Lapis faltered. She had hoped that they would get along and take the burden off her shoulders.

‘Well,’ she thought aloud, ‘he’s awake now, why don’t you introduce yourself.’

The other chewed on her cheek, clearly weighing up her options, probably reluctant to let go of her grudge.

She finally gave in, mumbling an ‘okay’ before looking back down at the baby. Poking his forehead she spoke formally, ‘Hello Steven. I am Peridot. It is... pleasant to meet you.’

Steven blinked, crossing his eyes to look at her finger. He let go of Lapis’s dress in favour of grabbing at it.

‘Amethyst told me he can’t speak yet but I think he received the message.’

Lapis nodded even though she didn’t have a clue. Actually, that gave her an idea. ‘Do you know stuff about babies?’

Peridot scoffed, ‘please, I know everything about these things. I grew up on a farm.’

Lapis smiled. Of course, she could rely on Peridot. Everything was going to be okay.  


  
‘Are you sure he’s old enough to walk yet?’

Steven had his belly on the floor, legs lazily kicking out behind him and palms spread on the carpet, tongue poking out from behind his lips.

Lapis lay on the floor opposite him, shoulder to shoulder with Peridot. They’d put Steven on the floor to see how fast he could go but he’d been glued to the spot for a solid five minutes.

‘Pshh all animals are born walking.’ Peridot responded with too much confidence.

‘But he’s just lying there?’

Peridot hummed. ‘He’s just not properly motivated yet. I’ll be right back.’

As the other stamped towards the kitchen, Lapis stared at the baby, starting to doubt her roommate’s knowledge. Cows and babies weren’t quite the same thing.

Peridot returned clutching a bag of bite-size biscuits shaped like animals. She crouched in front of Steven, waving one under his nose before placing it on the floor in front of him. As she added more, creating a trail between him and Lapis she explained her plan.

‘The chickens always fell for this trick, Steven will be walking in no time.’

‘Devious.’ Lapis commented, stealing a biscuit. Steven seemed intrigued, eyes following the movements. He made a grab at the first.

‘Movement!’ Peridot announced excitedly, ‘he’s gonna do it!’

The two edged closer, Peridot beginning to jog on the spot. The baby slapped at the floor, finger tips just glancing the food. Peridot’s whole body began vibrating as they waited for his legs to join the party. But they never did. Instead, Steven’s lip started shaking and a loud sniffle followed.

Oh no.

Lapis felt cold.

Then it started.

Steven wailed.

His face screwed up tightly and it began to gleam with sweat and tears. His skin was turning red and the noise grew louder. Lapis looked to Peridot in panic.

‘He’s crying, what do we do!?’

‘I don’t know!’ Peridot cried with equal distress, ‘animals don’t usually make those kind of noises!’

‘Oh god,’ Lapis looked back at the crying boy, ‘is he in pain? He looks like he’s in pain!’

‘Oh, I can fix that!’

Peridot leapt upright and ran out the room, leaving Lapis alone with the noise. Two seconds later she was rushing back, clutching something in her hand. She bent down to the baby and stretched it out.

‘Why do you have a balaclava!?’ Lapis yelped. What use would Peridot have for a thief’s trademark. The other girl seemed to glow at the question, shoulders rocking back and forth shyly. ‘I used to wear it when I made crop circles back on the farm.’

Lapis’s mouth fell open, ‘you made crop circles!?’

‘Yeah!’ Peridot replied happily, sitting up a little straighter, nose in the air, ‘mine even made the national news.’

Lapis wasn’t sure what to do with this information, but Peridot was already moving on. She stretched out the mask and pulled it over the crying Steven’s head.

‘He’s still crying,’ Lapis commented.

‘Yes but now you can’t see it! He doesn’t look like he’s in pain!’

This was true. Maybe she had a point? But the sound waves were still biting holes in her eardrums.

‘Peridot, we need to try something else.’

‘Okay, okay maybe Steven’s just not a walker. Let’s try swimming!’

Peridot made a grab for the crying baby, scooting him over her hip.

‘Lapis!’ She announced, throwing out a pointed finger to the bathroom, ‘run Steven a bath!’  
  


Steven had quieted down a lot since the crying incident. He seemed to have developed an intense interest in Peridot’s hair, reaching up and grabbing for the blonde strands - probably leaving sticky patches everywhere like chewing gum. Lapis was not envious.

The bath was nearly full and she swirled her fingers through the water to create little waves lapping at the sides.

‘Okay Steven. Let’s see your skills.’

Peridot lifted him away from her waist and plopped him in the water, keeping her hands under his armpits.

He didn’t move.

‘Should we maybe have changed him out of his baby grow first?’

‘Oh.’ Was Peridot’s flat response as she stared down at the child, red fabric rippling below the water line. ‘Well we can fix that after he’s had his swim.’

Lapis nodded, hands lazily spinning water. Peridot fixed her eyes on the baby once again.

‘Okay Steven, time to shine.’ She placed him into a seated position leaning against the tub and Lapis held her breath in anticipation,

‘Now swim!’ Peridot exclaimed throwing out her hands as if she were performing a magic trick. Steven kind of just wobbled, two wide eyes staring out from behind the black ski mask like a cat hidden in a dark tree. Peridot glanced at Lapis.

‘C’mon,’ she hissed, speaking through the side her mouth, ‘help me encourage him.’

Lapis bit her lip, ‘okay, umm. Steven. Look how nice the water is, yeah?’ Her encouragement was more of a stumbled description of the niceness of water but it was an attempt. Unfortunately, it had no effect on the bewildered boy.

Time for a change in tactic. Shuffling closer, she dipped her hand in the water and sent little splashed onto Steven’s tummy. When he bent his head down to look, she sent another sprinkle into his face. The boy froze, face contorting in confusion and Peridot pinched her arm.

‘Lapis!’ She shrieked, ‘what if you angered him.’

Oh. She hadn’t thought of that. She held her breath and turned to the baby. He didn’t seem angry. So, she did it again. The baby recoiled, wavering a little in his seat. And then a huge grin split across his face and a laugh spilt from it, squeaky and excited.

Peridot grinned, ‘good thinking Lapis! Make him nice and relaxed and then, bam, he’ll be swimming without even thinking about it.’

The two waited patiently, chins resting on the cool enamel. Steven’s laughter petered out and his lip was shaking again. He reached out towards their faces and they jerked back.

‘Swim Steven! Swim!’ Peridot cried, leaning away from the bath and throwing her arms in the air like an evil scientist bringing their new invention to life. And like a roar of deafening thunder, Steven was wailing again. Great.

Lapis clambered to her feet. He had his eyes scrunched closed and arms limp at his sides.

‘Okay so that’s a no to swimming.’ She quickly scooped him out of the water and sighed when the fabric of her top was suddenly soaked. ‘Peridot are there are any towels?’

‘I’ll grab some!’ Peridot hurried off and Lapis stared at the boy. His crying had subsided into hiccups and he gingerly reached out to fist his hands in her top, clinging to the fabric above her heart.

She tutted, ‘I can’t understand you.’  
  


Lapis felt the towels before she saw them. Peridot had given no warning before she’d unceremoniously thrown them into Lapis’s face. Then the baby was being extracted from her arms along with most of the towels that had fallen on him. Lapis grabbed the remaining one, dabbing at the wet patch left in the baby’s wake. Across the room Peridot wrapped Steven up and hugged him close.

‘Oh my - Lapis, have you felt his head!?’ She squealed. Her cheek rested against his head and rubbed circles on his hair, humming happily. ‘He’s so soft!’

Lapis frowned. ‘I’m sure it is.’

Peridot carried on cooing, bumping him up and down, so Lapis left to change into a clean, dry shirt.  
When she returned, Peridot was perched on the sofa, Steven laid out in front of her.

‘Check it out Lapis!’

Her eyes gleamed as the other entered the room a little reluctantly. Peridot lifted the baby in front of her like a new jumper. He was no longer balaclava-ed in the natural sense. Instead, the garment was now acting as a jumpsuit, his legs poking through the two eye holes. ‘Isn’t it perfect!’

‘Uhh...’

Lapis probably wouldn’t use the word “perfect” maybe “acceptable” or even “pragmatic”. But Peridot was beaming at her and Steven looked comfortable enough so she shrugged, ‘yeah.’

Peridot squeaked, hands squeezing even tighter like she might pop Steven’s little head. ‘We should go for a walk! I want everyone to see how handsome Steven looks in my new fashion!’

She was up in a second, ‘ooh Garnet always wears this thing around her shoulders, I’m going to do it too!’  
Lapis could only watch as Peridot ran out the room excited.

‘You’ll need your sunglasses!’ She yelled as the distinctive sound of violent rummaging echoed through the wall.

‘But,’ Lapis frowned, peering out the window, ‘it doesn’t look that bright out?’

Peridot was back, clad in sunglasses and carrying Steven on her front. She stood tall, pout on her lips and hands on her hips.

‘That’s not the purpose of sunglasses and you know it.’

Lapis gulped. She grabbed her glasses and they hit the road.  


  
It was clear Peridot was in her element. Walking along the streets lined with tired-looking townhouses, she preened at every moment she could show off a little knowledge to the young life attached to her.

‘Look Steven, a beetle!’

‘Steven! This is called Graffiti!’

‘Clouds Steven! They carry rain!’

Lapis strolled quietly next to them, looking at everything Peridot pointed out, giving encouraging smiles. Steven interacted as he saw fit, poking at insects, sticking his tongue out at reflections in windows, eating flowers - the works. It turned out there were loads of exciting things in the world that Lapis had never considered. Like a lone can on the side of the road didn’t have to remain a lone can on the side of the road. As soon as Peridot spotted it her eyes glistened.

‘Lapis I have a cool trick I want to show Steven!’

‘Okay?’

Peridot rubbed her hands together before grabbing the can and placing it upright near the wall. ‘Okay, now you stand on it.’

Unsure where this was going, Lapis complied. Leaning a hand on the bricks she stepped up onto the can, arm flailing until she balanced like a flamingo. Peridot nodded at her before falling to a crouch. She kicked one leg out and kept the other tucked underneath her, giving a wide stance that let her rock back and forth like a crab.

‘Ready?’ She asked with a grin. Ready for what?

‘I guess,’ Lapis shrugged. Below her, Peridot stopped moving. She reached out a hand, index finger tucked to her thumb ready to flick. There was a ping and then Lapis was suddenly standing on the ground again. She blinked, processing the change in height. Peridot whooped beside her, ‘it worked! Move so we can see it.’

Stepping to the side, Lapis found the once whole can, a flat circle on the tarmac. Peridot picked it up, holding it to Steven, ‘check it out! We crushed it!’

Lapis found herself intrigued by the disc. Peridot really had a way of finding fun in the mundane. It was admirable.

 

They finished up their road trip with some good old-fashioned grocery shopping - well, it needed to be done. And then they were back home, unpacking vegetables and switching on the hob.

Peridot detached Steven and set him on the counter as she began frying some onions. The cramped kitchen was barely big enough for one, existing more like a corridor adjacent to their lounge than a room in its own right. It was a wonder how the builders had managed to fit a whole four-paned window to the end as well as a flowerbox complete with pastel toned primroses hanging over the street below. So even when giving Peridot space, Lapis was still stood close by, chopping peppers and keeping an eye on the noodles before they boiled over. She considered this an acceptable arrangement. But it appeared that Steven was not a fan. After just five minutes of sitting quietly, he let out a sob.

Peridot frowned at the boy, ‘why are you crying?’

Then she turned to Lapis, ‘do you know why he’s crying?’ 

She shook her head. He’d been so happy this afternoon, Lapis didn’t know what to do. His cries were getting louder and his face was getting redder. They had to do something. But she stayed stuck like a statue, mid chop and staring at a baby.

Peridot turned off the heat and scooped him up once again.

‘Uhh, Steven. I’d like you to stop doing that now.’

It sort of worked? He was now blinking through the tears and his mouth began to close. Peridot bounced him up and down as she walked to the window. He just wanted to move?

‘Oh that’s Garnet!’ She yelped, before rushing back across the kitchen and shoving the boy back on the counter. ‘I’ll run down and tell her we have Steven.’

Lapis didn’t get a chance to reply as Peridot swished past her and out the door. The quiet didn’t last long. Steven restarted like an alarm on snooze and Lapis winced at the noise. Walking right? She scooped the baby up and into her chest. Without taking another step the crying subsided. She paused in her movements. No walking? She sighed, lowering her head so that her lips were a hairs distance from the baby.

‘I don’t understand,’ she whispered, ‘why do you cry, why do you stop. How can you be so distraught and then immediately happy once again?’ She felt something warm cross her cheek. ‘I can’t understand you.’

‘Lapis?’

The voice calling her name was a sharp stab through the silence. The knife dripped with care and it was like the cut had reverberated through every molecule of air in the room until they pressed down on her. The tear on her cheek burned.

She quickly looked up, plastering on a practiced smile and desperately keeping her voice steady, ‘did you find Garnet?’

‘She did.’

Lapis gulped. Another witness. Before she could make any sort of argument, Garnet weaved around the frozen Peridot and lifted Steven into her own arms. She wore the warmest of smiles that it was like Steven had melted her with just his existence. Lapis stiffly brushed her cheek and stepped back. She didn’t know what to say. What did you say when a complete stranger caught you crying over their child? Should she apologise?

‘Steven has that effect on people.’

Garnet broke her thoughts with a softly spoken fact. She was looking at her with an affectionate smile still hanging on her lips but now with a little bit of pride mixed in. It was clear how much she truly loved that boy. But her expression wasn’t directed at him as she continued to address Lapis, ‘At first I couldn’t understand him. Why did he cry, why didn’t he cry. But then I realised, he’s just a person.’

That was the problem. People didn’t make any sense to Lapis. They always wanted something, but she could never work out what. And when she inevitably didn’t provide whatever it was, they would disappear. And she’d be left alone. Besides that, she had nothing to offer them anyway. Working it out would be an exercise in pointlessness.

As if silence were an answer, Garnet pressed on, in a calm, patient manner, ‘people don’t always want something tangible. Or some specific personality trait you possess. They want love, support, companionship. And sometimes, they just want to provide it.’

She smiled now. It was so kind that it made Lapis’s stomach flip.

‘Steven just wants to be with you.’

With her? That’s all he wanted? That didn’t seem right. She felt her brow tighten as she thought over the facts. ‘B-but I don’t provide any of that.’

‘You do,’ Garnet said firmly, ‘presence is a powerful thing.’

‘But I’m no good-

‘Hey wait!’

With all the new information whipping through her mind Lapis has forgotten that Peridot was stood right behind her. The yelp sent shockwaves through her bones.

‘You provide plenty of that!’

Peridot was on the move, stamping towards her with a face squished in anger, ‘You held him, you played with him! You helped me out too! I wouldn’t have even made friends with him if it weren’t for you!’

Lapis stood stunned, staring down at the other. Her momentum gone, Peridot brought the accusing hand down to run along her arm. She spoke quieter now, ‘plus I enjoy talking to you. And hanging out together. And I also like being helpful.’

The room fell quiet. Lapis didn’t know how to respond. Her throat felt tight and water was threatening to spill over her eyes.

It was Garnet who broke the silence, softly stepping towards them, ‘see Lapis. Sometimes what people want isn’t some quality you have. It’s just you.’

Something pinched at her forearm as Garnet’s speech ended. It wasn’t harmful though, just a wary appeal for attention. She looked down and it was Steven, pawing at her arm, wide eyes filling her own. He wanted her.

And suddenly the air wasn’t suffocating. Tension released from her muscles and she felt her shoulders sag as breathy laughter fell from her mouth. What started out as nervous grew into overwhelming relief as her head fell back and tears overflowed from their ducts. Everything seemed so simple now.

‘Are you okay?’

Poor Peridot looked at her with fear and it shouldn’t have made her laugh more but the furrowed eyebrows were like fuel for the fire and she burst out with more mirth, face burying into her hand.

‘No I’m fine!’ She managed between giggles, ‘thank you.’

Peridot’s cheeks glowed, and Garnet grinned widely.

‘No problem.’ Garnet responded smoothly, ‘want to say goodbye to Steven?’

Lapis eyed the boy. Maybe she wasn’t overly fond of children and the sound of his crying would not be sorely missed. But he wasn’t so bad. In fact, now that she’d spoken to Garnet, he wasn’t even scary. So she picked him up and hugged him close to her chest. Felt his warmth, and how he nuzzled into her neck and it made affection bloom in her chest.

‘Thank you,’ she whispered, letting the words ruffle his hair before she handed him back.

‘You two should come over for dinner some time’ Garnet said, pulling the baby to her hip, ‘as a thank you for babysitting,’

Peridot beamed, practically bouncing with excitement as her chest swelled.

‘I’d love too!’ She squealed before turning expectantly to Lapis, muscles coiled in excitement.

Lapis had always made the effort to avoid people. She couldn’t offer them anything, why waste their time? And why waste her own when they’d leave the moment they picked up on that. But maybe her presumptions weren’t entirely true. Testing the waters couldn’t hurt, right?

She smiled, ‘sure, why not?’

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! ♥
> 
> Any kudos/comments are much appreciated!! :)


End file.
